Power of the Purse

I think I heard my daughter correctly, even though the Rome to deep dark suburbia cell phone connection was a bit fuzzy. She said she bought us matching purses (I get first dibs on color), and she's calling them our "we're going out and we're not going to let anybody make us feel bad purses." Or something to that effect.

Well I'm not sure a purse -- even if it's constructed of pure Italian leather -- has that kind of power and influence, but I'm all for it. I envision myself holding up the magical accessory at arms length, like cloves of garlic to a vampire, to ward off all manner of evil-spiritedness. I'm going to look a little silly carrying an evening clutch to the curb when I go to retrieve the mail, but you just never know when someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart might swing by.

Unfortunately, I won't have the purse in time for my visit to New York City tomorrow to see my mother. It's not that she doesn't have my best interests at heart (theoretically), but she is angry, frustrated, and in a lot of pain and I know she will be unable to resist taking it out on me in subtle ways. I'm bracing myself for the onslaught, steeling myself to the prospect of her weeping about my living far away. It's been over twenty-five years since I moved out here, but she never misses an opportunity to punish me for the original sin.

I suppose I can make it another week without my miracle purse, although the idea of it is so enticing I'm thinking of testing the hidden powers of one I already own. I'm going to start with the Chanel -- I certainly paid enough for it. I'm going to take it to lunch with me, and if anyone so much as looks at me sideways I'm going to count on it to ward off the bad feelings. Failing that, I can always grab it by its weighty strap and swing it against the offender's head. Which of course I wouldn't really do, but it doesn't hurt to dream.

Come to think of it, I get what my daughter is saying about my gift from Rome. There is nothing like a new purse -- or a brand new pair of shoes, or maybe a new outfit -- to make all the bad stuff go away. At least for a few hours.