A Fork on the Road

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump had dinner together last night in New York. What's with their hair?

Okay, forget about the hair. Sarah thinks she can see Russia from Juneau, and the Donald thought the "birther" issue would gain him support for his bid for the presidency. Okay, forget about that nonsense too. There are a lot of reasons I think Sarah should stick to huntin' bears and the Donald should stick to buildin' buildings, but just when I thought I could not think less of either one of them, I saw an appalling picture of the two of them in a pizza joint in New York City.

Yep, geography confusion and stupid political issues aside, who the hell eats New York pizza with a knife and fork? Really. New York pizza. With a knife and fork. How out of touch can a person be? At least Sarah has an excuse; she probably doesn't get the opportunity to shoot down many pizzas up there in the tundra, so how could she know? But the Donald? I passed at least ten buildings with his name emblazoned on the marquee as I wandered through midtown Manhattan this past weekend, and no true New Yorker, no matter how wealthy, eats at Le Cirque every night. There's hardly a law against pizza in the penthouse.

As anyone who knows anything knows, there is only one way to eat a slice of New York pizza (which is, by the way, the only kind of pizza worthy of being called "pizza"); you fold the big triangle (never a square) in half, you let the abundant grease drip off onto a single ply paper napkin, and you shovel it into your gaping mouth with great speed and efficiency so that none of the excess grease ends up on your lap. Simple. Elegant. Immutable.

Would I make an appearance on "The Apprentice" without looking sharp and businesslike? Would I go to Alaska without a coat? I don't know whether it's arrogance or ignorance, but these two potential leaders of the free world (the Donald can always change his mind if it looks like a good deal) can't even figure out the nuances of their own country. And as far as I know, they were both born here.

And let's face it: there's just no excuse for that hair.