Once is Enough

It's happened again. I allowed a guy in whom I had about as much interest as I do in Lindsay Lohan's prison schedule to dump me first.

Don't get me wrong. This one was a catch. He is divorced, employed, and breathing, thereby satisfying all the requirements on my "Potential Life Partner Checklist." He even claimed to be heterosexual -- not a requirement for me but certainly a strong factor to be considered -- and he kept telling me how smart and funny I am, which is not as good as telling me I'm sizzling hot but is better than some of the words my husband has used to describe me.

Bottom line: it's summer, the days are long, and I need a diversion. Heck, I've stocked up on new sundresses and calf-enhancing wedges, so why not go out on a few dinners. I am no doubt the unrivaled queen of the first date, which is always fairly easy to come by. But by the time date number two rolls around, my latest potential life partner -- no matter how much of a loser he is -- always seems to come to his senses before I do and blow me off. And it's always a relief, but ouch just the same.

Back to cyber dating sites, I suppose, to search for someone with a bit more staying power. There are, however, several benefits to my uncanny ability to push away or turn off or maybe even scare off every eligible, breathing suitor before either of us gets in too deep (and by that I mean a second date). It's great for my budget. If my dates are always "firsts," I never have to take out my wallet and even pretend to offer up my share. Sex is out of the question for me without the intimacy of at least one repeat engagement, so I rarely have to shave my legs. And the best thing is I can wear the same favorite outfit every time (although it hasn't occurred to me yet that maybe that outfit isn't working; I'm just assuming it's my personality).

This latest guy was nice enough, although I seemed to make him nervous. Or maybe he always had that funny twitch, but I don't remember seeing it at first. He billed himself as devoid of bullshit, which seemed to be true during our meeting, but canceling a Friday night dinner because of sudden work commitments made me kind of skeptical. Call me crazy. He said he'd call me later to reschedule; I told him it wasn't necessary.

I'm tossing my favorite sundress in the wash so I'll be ready at a moment's notice for the next first date.