The Wedding Crashers

Damn Brits. Don't they know it's four o'clock in the morning in the real world?

Who throws a wedding on a Friday anyway? Okay, maybe I'm just bitter. My daughter and I had fully intended to be there, even though our invitation seems to have gotten lost in the mail. I mean post. We had our makeup done and our shoes re-heeled (not to be outdone by the Queen's horses), and we purchased the most divinely tacky hats. We even had our teeth whitened, and, I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but I managed to drop a few pounds, and I'm not just talking about currency.

After all the days of anticipation and the painstaking preparations, we overslept. In truth, we both were up, but we came to our senses and decided we could wait to see the dress. The royals would never know. We'll just ship the gift (a beautiful seder plate; I'm hoping they don't already have one).

As cynical as I pretend to be, I have watched more than my share of royal wedding television this week. I am as anxious as the next bloke to find out who designed the dress, who baked the cake, and whether the flowers all opened at the right moment. (I was seriously almost brought to tears when I watched an interview with a royal florist, who spoke openly and passionately about the stress of timing the flowers just right.) I was touched by Kate's decision to ride to the Abbey in a sedan, as befits a commoner, and only hop into the Cinderella coach after she officially becomes a princess. The sedan is probably a Bentley though; if she really wanted to make a statement, she should have gone with a Chevy.

Thanks to the modern miracle of DVR -- ironically modern in the context of the anachronistic rituals associated with the marriage of a future King and Queen -- my daughter and I will be able to enjoy the spectacle later tonight, when our eyes are not puffy from sleep deprivation and we can nibble on canapes that might have been just a bit nauseating at four a.m. In our floral bathrobes, we will look just like any other guest. Maybe not any old guest, but we will certainly give the Queen a run for her money.

Mazel tov Will and Kate.