My husband insists that we will never again be good friends, given the irrevocable erosion of trust that has occurred between us. I'm not so sure about that. Over the course of the past year, he has managed to be so overtly asinine that I can only assume anything he's keeping from me must be the good stuff. In fact, I feel almost one hundred per cent secure in the knowledge that he has nothing bad left to hide.
Yesterday, as we sat together watching our daughter play badminton, we amused ourselves at the thought of our long awaited, twice cancelled, as yet to be rescheduled meeting with our lawyers. Expensive entertainment to be sure, but we think it will be fun to watch the two of them go at each other while the two of us just sit around giggling and shooting the shit. It's not that far fetched; we seem to have fallen comfortably back into some semblance of our old repartee. He didn't even bite my head off when I told him his attorney is an incompetent surgically enhanced boob.
Our daughter, naturally, didn't find our shared laughter quite so endearing. From the look on her face, I'd say she found it a bit repulsive. Frankly, she looked so grossed out he might as well have been feeling me up right there in the gym (he wasn't). Our kids have grown accustomed to our being apart, and they kind of like it that way. They see us each as individuals, sometimes even as people they actually enjoy and respect. Their biggest fear, I think, is that we will get back together and ruin everything.
Our children have been our staunchest supporters, no matter how low we have sunk. For that, I feel proud, not to mention lucky. I regret any hurt I have caused, particularly to them. Often, when we hurt people, we don't intend to. But that doesn't mean we aren't conscious of what we are doing. My husband and I are basically not mean people (okay; he can be a little mean), but I think we can both admit to some conscious battering of the other. At the time, we may have done it to help soothe our own wounds, but I think most of us know that hammering away at someone else's soul is never the answer -- at least not in the long run. And especially when other people you love get taken down along the way.
We are beginning to heal, which cannot be bad for the kids, no matter how disgusting they think it is. There's still a lot of shit to wade through, but it's a start.
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