Not Your Mother's Bling

Now I've heard everything! Am I the last person on earth to get wind of the new craze: vajazzling? Apparently my computer doesn't even recognize the term, if the fact that it underlined the word for me in bright red is any indication.

The somewhat disturbing concept came up when I taught my very spiritual yoga class the other day -- you know, the one where we get centered by airing all the week's dirty laundry and calling the offenders in our lives all sorts of disgusting names and kvetching about all our aches and pains. As if we weren't already chakra deep in spirituality, my prize pupil mentioned vajazzling. It has a website and everything.

As many of you either already know or have guessed, vajazzling is a new fad which -- and forgive me if I get too technical here -- involves bejeweling one's v-jay-jay. (I can't believe my computer didn't underline v-jay-jay!) Bedazzling the bikini area. With "stick-on" Swarovski crystals. Ouch!!! As if bikini waxing isn't misogynistic enough. What if a crystal gets stuck in the wrong place? What if it gets lost? Oy, my legs are crossed thinking about it. I feel like a guy at a bris.

Well, all this talk about decking out female genitals had me and my yoga devotees in hysterics. We put our very mindful heads together, and, for the life of us, could not figure why any woman would want to take such pains to decorate something that, um, usually doesn't see the light of day. And, we unanimously agreed that if the point is to entice a man, it's pointless, since even in its worst moments a woman's vagina is about the most beautiful thing a man's eyes think they can behold (well, except for a good pair of jugs). Odds are he won't even notice the bling, it certainly won't make sex any better for the woman, and there's always the risk that, in his excitement, he will dislodge some of the adornments and possibly cause a medical emergency.

I say take those Swarovski crystals and turn them into a pair of earrings, or a pendant. Something useful.