Life in the Dog House

If somebody had told me six months ago I'd have a medical staff that includes canine radiologists and surgeons and oncologists, I'd have licked my own balls. Well, stranger things keep happening, and now I've added a doggie ophthalmologist to the list. Soon I'll be lifting my leg to pee.

Just when I thought Manny's biggest health problem was his girth -- he is now tipping the scales at fifty-five pounds, a bit steep for somebody who is barely a foot tall -- he developed an eye infection. I've spent the past week attempting to wipe thick goop out of his bloodshot right eye, which he can clamp shut so tightly it takes two of us to pry it open just a smidge so we can get the eye drops in. Or at least tell ourselves they're in. But no amount of wiping or topical medication or antibiotics buried in peanut butter seems to help. I've even found myself excavating rock hard boogers from his squashed little nose, thinking clear breathing passages might alleviate some of the eye discomfort, but all that does is really piss him off. I can tell because he gets back at me by sneezing in my face, which he knows I don't appreciate.

Pulling boogers out of a dog's nose is another thing I never thought I would do; it's way up there on the list of strange things, right behind the canine ophthalmologist. And my daughter thought it was odd a few weeks ago that I agreed to hold the tissue for her while she blew her nose so she wouldn't ruin her manicure! Gross, to be sure, but it's got nuthin on doggie boogers honey.

Long ago, before my marriage imploded, when my father was battling terminal cancer, I told my husband in no uncertain terms that I would never take care of him the way my mom took care of my dad. "You're on your own, babe." Yes, that was during the "good times." He was pretty certain I wasn't joking, given that only a year or two earlier I had tossed an open suitcase filled with his golf clothes down the stairs while he lay with pneumonia in what he thought for sure was his death bed. Nowadays, he probably takes comfort in the thought I won't be around him should he ever become ill. But, then again, stranger things have happened. (Ooh, that probably just sent shivers down his spine!)

Manny's appointment with the eye doctor isn't for another few days, so I'll keep doing what I need to do. Ah, the things we do for love.