Shop; You Won't Drop

According to a recent study, shopping prolongs life. Okay, the study found that more frequent shopping was, along with several other factors, linked to longevity, but researchers were careful to note that the actual shopping wasn't necessarily the key. Screw that. Shopping is good for you. Period.

Which is why, on the days I am working at the yoga store, I try to purchase several items for myself. It's like getting plastic surgery without going under the knife. Forever young, forever alive. Even though the researchers would probably surmise I am reaping the health benefits just by being in the social and uplifting environment of a retail store, I like to cover all the bases.

I suppose the researchers have a point when they attribute the life extending benefits of shopping to the things that naturally accompany the pastime, like more walking and more chances to get out of the house and interact with other humans. But I really find it hard to believe that the woman who shopped feverishly for a good forty-five minutes and then bitched at me for ten minutes about the prices in our store isn't going to die young of a coronary. Get a grip, woman.

Then there's the issue of online shopping. I defy anyone to tell me that picking out fun things on a computer screen in the comfort of your own home doesn't have its own health benefits. The mere act of acquiring, the joyful anticipation of a package, and the quality albeit brief interaction with the UPS guy when you sign for your bundle of joy must certainly add on a few years. Especially when you're not dealing with unfamiliar fitting room mirrors and pesky salespeople. Good for several quality birthdays.

If the researchers are correct about the health benefits of socializing, I wonder if deep relationships with close friends are as effective as brief shopping interactions in prolonging our time here. Probably not. There's just something peculiarly therapeutic about the superficial. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit to the fulfillment I can feel after ten minutes of senseless babbling with an enthusiastic customer. Even the nasty ones have a somewhat medicinal effect, offering me fodder for some senseless, gossipy babbling and eye rolling with my co-workers. Sometimes there's nothing more artery-clearing than meeting someone who makes you realize you are nowhere near the biggest asshole on the planet.

I expect to glean a good ten years from the delivery of my new refrigerator this afternoon. Fifteen minutes of solid socializing in the appliance store plus an extended opportunity to schmooze with the delivery folks plus a long overdue switch to uncurdled dairy products -- I'm going to have more golden years than I can handle. Too bad the years can't be added on before all the aches and pains of aging kick in.