TGI Black Friday

McDonald's is doing its part to make sure we live up to our reputation as the "ugly Americans," announcing its plan to offer up fries for breakfast on Black Friday. You just can't beat good old-fashioned American ingenuity.

You can't really blame McDonald's for diving right into the spirit of self-reflection and selfless giving that is our holiday season. I know some people might think that offering up fries for breakfast to a nation already plagued by obesity related illnesses is yet another example of the shameless commercialization of Christmas, but when you think of all those joyous, bloated smiles at the drive-thru you can't help but feel closer to God. People are just so cynical.

Maybe I'm feeling a tad bit defensive, since this is my first holiday season working in retail. In my line of work, you get to see the highly spiritual folks, the ones who like to get a jump on all the good will and holiday cheer and get the damn shopping over with early. Just the other day I witnessed one example after another of the love and holiness brought out by the season. "Well, who cares if she likes it," said one sister to the other. "At least we can strike her off the list." Warms the cockles, doesn't it?

Then there was the mother and her grown daughter agonizing about the perfect gift for the daughter-in-law. Naturally, they confined their search to the sale rack, and came up with a hideous bright green jacket. It had a huge snag on the front of the left shoulder. "We can't give her something with a snag on it, can we?" asked mom. "Oh, it's barely noticeable," responded the daughter. I looked down at the snag, a good inch of thread curling downward from a puckered little hole. "We'll cut it and she definitely won't see it, especially since she's so in love with anything green." Well, gosh, maybe they should puke on it too; more shades of green to love.

If it's been this good already, I can't wait to get to work on Black Friday. All the halos, all the angelic smiles -- it's going to be awesome. Especially after I stuff myself with fries for breakfast.