Yesterday, they took advantage of the sluggish August retail traffic and worked on some of the finishing touches: carpools, wardrobe decisions, and -- most entertaining for me -- the gifts. The gals, all in various stages of young marriage and, in some cases, pregnancy, pooled their resources. Each of them had bags full of penis related gag gifts (pardon me for using the words "penis" and "gag" in the same sentence) that had been gathering dust since their own bachelorette parties. And there would be, of course, a penis cake, with penis shaped candles, and paper plates and cups decorated with penises. Dicks everywhere. Welcome to the real world, sister.
My favorite "gag gift" was the set of dice: one cube with cartoonish depictions of various sex positions, the other with names of various rooms in the house. Funny, the bedroom didn't make the cut. I couldn't help but think that the game of sex dice would be more appropriate for a divorce party. Granted, my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I don't recall marriage being filled with steamy days and nights spent hanging from the rafters naked. Not that divorce is, either, but my guess is those clever little cubes could certainly be a useful ice breaker for middle aged daters.
Speaking of which, I have been bombarded with ads lately for a new computer dating site, one that "services" the fifty and over crowd. The images are startlingly different from the ones I'm used to seeing in ads for the more traditional dating sites, which depict pleasant looking twenty-somethings with bedroom eyes falling instantly in love in a candlelit restaurant. The stars of the fifty plus site are overweight and wrinkled and stuffed into a roller coaster car. Like the young lovelies in the other ads, they are smiling, but I would bet those smiles have more to do with having taken a good dump that morning than the anticipation of wild sex after the date.
Unless, of course, somebody has stuffed a pair of those sex dice in the woman's purse.
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