I ran into an old acquaintance at Starbucks last week. He was poring over ads in the newspaper, considering a "spa day."
"How gay," I told him, not meaning it in a bad way, since I'd take a gay man over a straight one any day. I just had a hard time imagining this guy spending the next few hours with his toes soaking in a pedicure bowl while some old lady buffed his fingernails and another prepared a vegetable peel for his face.
He handed me the newspaper. The first ad that caught my eye was:
COLLEGE GIRLS
Pigtails by Day
High Heels by Night
Ahhhh. That kind of spa day. Pippi Longstocking, meet Pippa Middleton. I searched the page, and found nothing about college boys in loin cloths fanning away hot flashes while frat guys with greased muscles pluck away chin hairs. Sometimes life is so unfair.
Come to think of it though, I'd probably feel less self-conscious with an old lady doing the fanning and a pigtailed, high heeled coed doing the plucking. I'll save the frat boys for a more tender moment, like, say, when all the lights are out and I've plied them with enough alcohol to think the facial stubble rubbing against their strong shoulders is their own.
But seriously, what would be the male equivalent of Pippi in fishnets and stilettos? Opie in super snug Wranglers? Curious George in a Speedo? The man with the yellow hat -- and I mean just the yellow hat? 
Frankly, I think I'll take a good old fashioned spa day.
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