The Wheel World

On my first Mother's Day, we took our three week old daughter to the zoo. My husband took a picture of me holding her in front of a sign that said "Small Mammals." We always had odd ways of amusing ourselves.

He told me yesterday that he spent some time with a divorcing couple, and they were nowhere near as funny as we are. Yes, we are hilarious. Just ask us. I've given some thought lately to why our marriage failed. Obviously, I've given some thought to it before, but now that the anger has abated and we can be in the same room without risk of bloodshed, I see things through a different lens. Not clearer, necessarily. Just different. For better or for worse.

Not to diminish his nastiness and emotional detachment in any way, or, for that matter, plenty of mutual disrespect and indecency, I'm beginning to realize much of my unhappiness had to do with me. Dissatisfaction with myself -- my job, my accomplishments (or lack thereof), the realization I would never be as thin as I would like. All that really important stuff. Come to think of it, if I were living with someone like that, I'd be nasty and emotionally detached as well.

The good news is he's happily involved with someone who actually seems to have a good head on her shoulders and maybe even likes herself. Yipes, she even seems to like him! I'm slowly learning to give myself a break and pursue the things that give me pleasure, and no, that does not necessarily include dating or even battery operated toys. If anything positive comes out of all this mess, it's that we have both learned from our mistakes, and we will probably do it better the next time around.

But back to Mother's Day. I know it's a Hallmark holiday, but it's a sensible one, and almost as important as my birthday. I am a mom and I still have a mom, so there is much to celebrate.

My small mammals have grown and matured, and they are, all three of them, a credit to the species. The tiny mammal I held that day twenty-two years ago is on the threshold of life, about to graduate from college and navigate her way through the large mammal kingdom. Welcome to the rat race, little one.