Only You! Really!

It's gotten to the point where even the most innocuous "do you want to meet for coffee" takes on an ominous tone; all I hear is "we need to talk." I don't know why, but I have a few trust issues. So every glance, every word, every quick text these days carries with it a potential threat to my delicate and ever-waning sense of balance. I am perpetually braced for disappointment, rejection, or just plain old bad news.

I can't even accept the sincere and loving overtures of a potential new cyber dream date. Last night, I received an email from the person who very well could be my Mr. Right, and what did I do? Hit the delete button! What's wrong with me? This guy is head over heels smitten with me, only me:

Hello:

I find your profile so fascinating that I couldn't wait to write you. I am
a compassionate, gentle, perceptive, intuitive, communicative, loyal, reliable,
trustworthy, analytical, chemical engineer, and that has exposed me and has taken
me around the world. I love my work. l want u to know I'm willing to
relocate if I meet the right partner.

P.s I hardly check my profile so you can reply to my private mail at [themostperfectmanyou'lleverfind at g mail dot com].

Would any other woman be able to resist a compassionate and analytical engineer who exposes himself around the world? Who in her right mind wouldn't overlook the suspicious spelling out of "at" and "dot" in the personal email address (which of course can only be accessed if you use your own personal email address with all your personal information there for the taking) and jump at the chance to meet the smitten with me, only me, Chuck, who is willing to relocate for me even though, as it turns out, he practically lives in the same zip code. And so what if he didn't use my screen name or specify what exactly it was in my profile that so captivated him. Maybe, in his passionate excitement, he just couldn't narrow it down. But I denied Chuck even a fighting chance, this man who seems to possess every quality a woman could dream of -- although I couldn't help envisioning this charming but exposed world travelling engineer racing through international airports with his slide rule poking out of his breast pocket and his penis poking out of his zipper.

He went on with a bit of poetry of sorts, which by all rights should have been irresistible:

I thought you could use some beauty in your life today, so I'm sending you this greeting to let you know that I'm sending some good wishes your way. May your day be touched with laughter, your heart overflow with love, and your soul sing with hope. May everything in your life sparkle with a radiance that comes only from happiness. l hope to hear from you soon.

I suppose it's just difficult to hear your heart and soul singing while you're gagging. A modern day Shakespeare writes poetry for me, only me, and instead of swooning I have my head in the toilet. Maybe one day I'll overcome my trust issues (although my friend just confessed that many years after her divorce and several years into a happy marriage, she was beside herself with suspicion when her current husband emailed her an unsolicited "I love you"). And he even addressed her by name.

If it's any consolation to Chuck, everything in my life does sparkle with a radiance that comes only from happiness (and the occasional hot flash). When things cool down, maybe I'll give old Chuck a holler @ his personal email address.