I Do, I Do. But I Can't!

Folks, I'm in a bit of a bind.

Just when I had thought the Craigslist fellas looking for wedding dates had blown me off, I received an email last night. Okay, I was clearly not the only recipient (not by a long shot), which made me feel a little bit cheap and not very special, but beggars can't be choosers and I really, really want the rights to this screenplay. Here's the email: 

Gals, We know it's coming down to the wire but Dave and I have finally got our shit together. We've got the Empire bar rented out tomorrow for a happy hour thanks to ABC (why? We don't know. But we're Rollin with it). Can you two make it for a drink around 6? Let us know if you're down - because hey, why not? At the very least it'll be a good story.. At most.. True love?

NOTE: ABC Nightline is profiling our journey to find the perfect wedding dates and they will be filming our "meet and greet" tomorrow evening at the Empire. Please come camera ready if you wish to participate as we narrow it down. It should be fun and if all goes well, we hope to pick our dates by the end of the night! We look forward to meeting you! 

Naturally, since I was brought up to be polite, I responded immediately with a lengthy explanation about why we wouldn't be able to make it on such short notice. Camera ready? At my age? I need at least a week, and a very fuzzy lens. I offered up my eighty-two year old mother as a family representative, since she lives nearby. I am aware that's kind of a reach since she doesn't date but it was worth a try. My daughter, whom I've already offered up without permission, encouraged me to go. "It'll get your blog on the news," she said, clearly as wrapped up in the fame and fortune as I am, not caring a whit about the fellas' feelings. Cads, both of us. A friend offered me a ride to the airport, assuming, obviously, that I am a shameless opportunist and wouldn't care about the camera readiness thing. Another friend suggested I set up a Skype meet and greet during the happy hour. Okay, that may save me some travel and botox money, but camera readiness for a talking head on Skype requires extra care and, for that, I'd need even more than a week.

Sigh. I don't expect a big break like this to come my way again any time soon. I suppose I can at least be content to know I was in the running, that I made what has to be the final cut since the wedding is this Saturday. (By the way, I refuse to watch the Nightline coverage; I choose to remain blissfully ignorant of how many thousands of others received the invitation to happy hour.) Frankly, I'm a little hurt that they went with ABC to tell their story. I could have been a poster child for the American Dream, twenty-first century style. Proof that even a sorry old cougar can rise from the ashes and make it big.

This is not to say I have completely given up, though. I am, if not completely shameless, a relatively shameless opportunist. If anyone has an idea, let's hear it.