Habemus Papem! Mazel Tov!

The largest gathering of ineligible bachelors since the last JDate speed dating party has come to a close. We can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that there is, once again, a Pope. He's a bit older than I had hoped, but that means Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York will be returning stateside, which is certainly good news. (Am I the only one who has noticed how absolutely adorable he is?)

Most of us will never know what really goes on inside the Sistine Chapel when the men in red convene, or how many bong hits it takes to send that plume of white smoke up the chimney. (Whaddaya think the seagulls were doing up there?) But you have to give these guys credit for their efficiency; it's amazing what a day without administrative distractions and revelations about misbehaving priests can do to speed things along. When in Rome, though, you gotta eat well, and I'm pretty sure the big red thing they read the name of the new Pope from was actually the dinner menu. Frankly, I couldn't understand a word the guy was saying; thought maybe he was just a waiter reading off the secondi piatti.  

Everyone seems pretty excited about the new Catholic in Chief; well everyone on this side of the pond at least. Buenos Aires is probably the most European of cities in South America, so the transition of power to one of the zillions of Catholics in that corner of the New World should be fairly smooth. Those folks dress well (Evita Peron wasn't just hanging out at the Louvre when she visited Paris), eat well, can produce a good glass of wine, and really know how to play soccer. And, like folks throughout the ages who have been subject to Vatican rule, they are not exactly strangers to dirty politics. Argentina and the papacy will adjust well to each other.

As a non-Catholic, I still have trouble understanding why it matters who the Pope is. I get that he has to be celibate because it's probably a good idea to practice what you preach, and frankly there are probably a lot of heads of state out there who wish they had, um, kept it in their pants, but how on earth does one guy get to decide what Catholicism dictates for a limited period of time. Is the prospect of eternal damnation really that compelling when the rules keep changing? Maybe the fact that Francis is a Jesuit will keep him from turning his new job into a major power trip; maybe even the most blindly faithful will finally have some wiggle room.

The guy seems really humble, which is kind of refreshing. I just hope he can find a good Malbec and a good steak in Rome.