Oedipus Wrecks

A good friend, a very perceptive woman who generally knows before I do that I am out of interesting things to say, sent me a link to an article about some creepy guy who created a spreadsheet to evaluate his Match.com dates. That's not even the creepy part! The idiot went ahead and sent the spreadsheet to the front runner!

I suppose it makes perfect sense that a guy who has no discretion would neglect to include a "discretion" column on his spreadsheet, and, as it turns out, the woman who scored so highly in the looks and financial independence and sweetness categories could not resist emailing the document to all the other contenders (yes, for some reason he included names and contact information). Oopsy. Good news and more business for eharmony and other cyber dating sites, I would imagine, except for JDate. One woman fell to the middle of the pack because even though she was pretty and sweet, she was too "jappy." She was a bit taken aback by that, since, on their date, spreadsheet dude had been able to identify her designer bag because his mother has the same one. Complex spread sheets and an Oedipus complex. This guy really is a mess!

I am no expert, but I just don't think love and chemistry can be assessed on a spreadsheet. I dated a guy who told me he had (just for fun) made a prioritized list of things he was looking for in a woman. Even though it was clear that I would not make the cut based upon the list (obviously wrinkles and insanity were not in his top five), curiosity and bad judgment got the best of him and he went for date number two. And three. Granted, it was just an overly simplistic list, not a highly scientific and intellectually superior spreadsheet, but I have a feeling I would have flunked one of those with flying colors as well.

Maybe the spreadsheet works for some people, at least as a starting point to sort through all the madness. They probably work best when they aren't spread like wildfire all over the Internet. There is one thing of which I am certain: good friends don't need spreadsheets. Good friends are big picture people. They are able to see past all the little flaws and still give you the benefit of the doubt. They  stick around when you fuck up so badly you wouldn't even make it to a spreadsheet.

As for my relationship list (I am way too lazy and unsophisticated to even attempt a spreadsheet), there's only one item on it: breathing. (I deleted male after last weekend's lesbian wedding; why close off so many options?) Then, like all the lesser members of the animal kingdom, I'll just go with good old fashioned instinct. Not foolproof, to be sure, but what is?