Shocking Discoveries

I can't help but wonder how much my husband's botox queen attorney charges for the brilliant ideas she comes up with for delaying the case and just generally pissing me off. The latest was a supplemental discovery request, seeking a bunch of stuff that is either irrelevant or nonexistent. Quality stuff.

My favorite new request was the one for a copy of my law degree. Since my framed diploma won't fit nicely on a copy machine, I indicated that I would stipulate to the fact that I do, indeed, have one. After all, it would be pointless for me to deny it, since my husband no doubt remembers we graduated together. Even if the ceremony is a blur, neither of us could possibly forget my mother's wishful greeting when she was forced to acknowledge him: "Nice to see you again. Have a nice life!"

But this is not going to be a post about the botox queen's incompetence and utter lack of integrity or my mom's occasional rejection of subtlety. This is a post about parenting, and how little credit kids of all ages give to their parents for whatever insights they might choose to share. The mere offering up of a thought by a parent can be sufficient to elicit vehement opposition by a child; parents are, by definition, stupid, and, therefore, wrong. My husband and I chuckled many times over the years about my mom's comment. Ha ha.

Needless to say, when you're already perceived as a blithering idiot, the last thing your credibility needs is a higher authority than yourself -- like, say, the government -- throwing support to the theory. Yet some state representative in Florida who has obviously spent too much time in the sun has proposed that teachers in grades kindergarten through twelve now issue report cards to the parents as well as the students. Florida's youth will not have to wait as long as the rest of us did to lie on a therapist's couch and blame mom and dad for all their failings; the state has decided to generously point its finger for those kids, right now, while all the damage is being done.

The biggest lesson I see being taught here is about the myth of personal accountability. Why take responsibility for your own actions when there's a perfectly good scapegoat available? Talk about a teachable moment; kids will eat this up like candy on Halloween. I can understand why teachers have grown tired of being blamed for poor achievement, but how does the state propose to evaluate the quality of parenting in a kid's household. What if one sibling excels and another fails? Preposterous, I know, but what if? Can a parent receive two completely different report cards? Does that parent get to toss out the highest and lowest grades? And how are grades allocated between the two parents? Wait, stupid question. If things go awry, it's obviously the mom's fault.

Then, of course, there's the lesson that kids just learn by instinct -- that their parents are stupid. But why teach them this in kindergarten, instead of waiting for the inevitable developmental light bulb to go on at about the age of thirteen. (Kind of an accelerated program for all students, not just the fifty per cent deemed to be gifted.) Maybe the Floridian representative with heat stroke is thinking this will help eliminate the disappointment felt by teenagers when their parents suddenly fall off their pedestals. I don't know; what's wrong with perpetuating a lie as long as possible, especially if it's the kind of lie that makes everyone feel good?

Come to think of it, this might very well be a post about my husband's sleazy attorney. I think she's just the kind of genius Florida voters are looking for.