Watch Dogs

There's a news truck parked outside my Starbucks this morning. Maybe they're here to get local opinions on the shocking death of the North Korean dictator. Or maybe they're here to get our reactions to the recent spate of home invasions in the neighborhood.

My take on reports of Kim's death? I'm skeptical. I'm not a doctor, but I just find it difficult to believe a heartless dictator can die of heart failure. My take on the inordinate number of burglaries lately in my corner of deep dark suburbia? Maybe the police need to shift their focus, be a bit less zealous in their pursuit of drivers using cell phones (yes, my daughter was pulled over after she reached up to put her hair behind her ear, her cell phone tucked safely in her purse) and a bit more vigilant in patrolling the dark winter streets. We don't have a lot of Christmas lights in these parts, not too many blow up neon Santas to ward off the bad guys.

After all, I can hardly count on my neutered blind dog -- who routinely guesses wrong when positioning himself to appear as if he's looking at you -- to scare off some criminals who have testicles large enough to keep striking in the same place. Let's face it, nobody around here can count on their dogs for much protection, even the ones who can see. This is a neighborhood filled with designer mutts who don't like to walk in the rain, who wear coats on top of the ones they're born with, who have standing appointments with their groomers. Show me a crook who's going to be scared of a yapping fur ball and I'll show you some North Koreans who are crying because Kim died and not because they are terrified that things can actually get worse.

I realize I'm being a bit shallow, worrying about someone stealing my flat screen TV's while there are people starving in Korea, but that's just the nature of things. There are plenty of lunatics out there oppressing their own citizens while they aim nuclear missiles in our direction, but really, what can we do about that? Send the troops leaving Iraq now that they have nothing to do? Beyond that, not much, other than shake our heads with disgust and, when the alarm sounds, crouch under our desks and keep our fingers crossed.

But burglars in our midst? We can do something about that. I'll be keeping my cell phone handy -- even when I'm driving -- and if I see any suspicious shadows on the dimly lit winter streets, I'm gonna risk that ticket and do my part to keep things safe close to home.