Too Much Information

My husband once told me that an expert is just somebody from out of town.

I read yesterday that experts have speculated the recent rise in suicide rates among middle aged woman may be attributed to depression, substance abuse, and sleep issues. Being from in town and all, I would have guessed it was a result of euphoria, clean living, and ten solid hours of sleep a night. Thank goodness for experts who can clear that kind of shit up for the rest of us.

Let's face it. Nobody likes a know-it-all. Just as we wouldn't expect a brain surgeon to know how to fix a heart valve, we shouldn't really expect experts in other facets of our lives to know anything about, well, anything else. We pay them top dollar to focus on one thing and one thing only. Take a favorite attorney I know, who charges lots of money for her expertise and people pay it so she must be really good at what she does. But when a judge quipped recently that she was acting like John Boehner, her response was "Who's that?" Bad enough that she's never heard the name, but, honestly, why not just nod and smile politely and fake it?

In all fairness, though, the names of politicians shouldn't matter to most of us, who have far better things to do in our busy and important lives than sit around reading newspapers or, worse still, watching silly news shows. It's not as if anything those guys do affects us.

But I digress. I'm a little concerned about this increase in suicide rates among middle aged women. I just hope depression, substance abuse (is chocolate a substance?), and sleeplessness don't guarantee that a woman of a certain age will off herself, because I could very well be toast. Just in case, though, I'm going to stay away from news reports of any kind, because I'm pretty sure an expert would tell me the news is a major contributing factor to depression, substance abuse, and sleeplessness.

Get out of town!