Rules of Engagement

Life isn't always more about the journey than the destination, but sometimes it should be, if only because the journey is filled with much needed distractions,

Yesterday, a bit before noon: Landed!! The double exclamation point is key; I wanted my mother to know that I was gleeful after getting up to fly to New York City at the crack of dawn and, more than words can express, looking forward to the interminable drive from La Guardia to Syracuse.

Her response was slightly less perky. Get out here ASAP -- without any attempt at punctuation to soften the blow. Still taxiing, in Row 25, in a window seat. I despaired. My prospects for a peaceful drive were looking grim. The folks in front of me must have received warmer texts, retrieving suitcases from overhead bins at their leisure and strolling off the plane, completely unaware that I was headed for quite the tongue lashing at passenger pick up area B.

To make a long story short, there was no time for niceties, though there was ample time for my mom to ignore my pleas, shake off my grip, and march through a few lanes of chaos to attempt to slip the nice police officer who had let her linger there for more than an hour a twenty dollar bill. I wasn't particularly looking forward to the long drive ahead, but the prospect of spending the afternoon trying to bail my mom out for attempting to bribe an officer was not all that appealing. The cop must have seen the look of horror on my face, and poked his head in the window to assure me he had not taken anything from her.

Finally, we were buckled up and ready to go. I'm never picking you up at the airport again. Sigh. It's always so good to be home.

The ride was as interminable as I remembered. I used to make the trip often, back when I went to college in upstate New York in the late 1970's. And, just as I remembered, the clouds became dark and thick as I came within 60 miles of my destination, dripping some kind of hybrid precipitations that I always thought of as snow without the charm.

We are blending families in these last months before my oldest daughter's wedding. The central players have, for the most part, met, but still, there are missing links. This weekend, I would meet my daughter's future mother-in-law's sisters and mother for the first time, and they would meet me. And my mother. To be sure, my daughter was nervous, with good reason. The meet and greet would be coming on the heels of my having spent about six hours alone in a car with mom.

Distract and deflect. We have all learned a lot about that this year, and it's not a bad way to make it through life's challenges. A harrowing trip had driven me to distraction -- and made me forget my worries and lose a few inhibitions along the way. Okay, the glass of champagne handed to me at the door by my daughter's future father-in-law helped. As did the greeting from her new grandmother-in-law, who at first thought I was the bride's sister. Oh how I love the dark days and dim lighting of upstate New York in early December.

We all probably had good reason to worry. We are all, to some degree, loud, argumentative, opinionated, easily frustrated by loved ones, and exhausted by the simple fear of making a bad impression. And we are all, I think, relieved that the worst thing that happened last night was me knocking over a glass of red wine on the tablecloth. There was much common ground -- large appetites, large personalities, and, more than anything, an unshakable love for the young couple that has somehow made our worlds collide.