Lost in the Weed

Acronyms are fun. I was thinking about "S.H.I.T." as an acronym recently, and, for "i,"  I came up with "irrevocably spongy." A revelation about the state of my body going forward, and my new excuse for giving up on exercise.

A.L.E.P.P.O. "A" is for "Are you high?" As in Gary Johnson, riding in on his independent and self-righteous white horse to save us from our other choices, looking like a deer in headlights when he was asked what he would do about Aleppo. Not because he wasn't sure what he would do, but because he had no idea what it was. 

"L" is for "Oh Lord!" I admit, when I listen to friends and family members agonize over fantasy football picks I feel woefully ignorant when I don't recognize most of the names. I admit it: I am ineligible; I cannot participate. I admit I don't know the names of every world leader and I find it difficult to keep track of the ever-shifting borders in the Balkan States. It's just one of many reasons I'm not running for president. 

"E" is for "Ex-lax brownies?" Johnson claims he has not smoked weed for months, which is commendable, I suppose, but if he wants to save face without contradicting himself, he might want to blame it on some laced desserts. I'm willing to bet his little snafu sent him on more than a few trips to the bathroom, so it's an airtight defense.

"P" is for "Pathetic." The other "P" is for "Poopy." The metaphorical kind of poopy, as in this was probably the most pathetic moment in an altogether poopy election season. A poopy and pathetic and particularly unprecedented unpresidential presidential election. If the immediate past is any predictor, Johnson's poll numbers will probably get a boost. "P" is for "puzzling."

"O." "OMG." I'm moving to "Oaxaca" for the summer, and "Ontario" for the winter. How I yearn for the end of October, when this will all be almost over.

Back to my "S.H.I.T." acronym. Here's hoping the country is tougher than my body, and the damage isn't "irrevocable."