Recipes for Disaster

Here's an idea, CNN. Do more cooking segments.

I don't cook; I don't really like being around food unless I'm eating it. As long as there are no amphibians, reptiles, or AKC animals in the mix, I don't care about the ingredients or how they mysteriously combine and morph into a whole that is far more appealing that the sum of its parts. I felt the same way about freshman chemistry. Even when my lab instructor gave me a remedial pipette so I could get the measurements right, I wasn't interested. Even if it meant I would never be a doctor.

So, essentially, I went to law school because I can't cook, at least in a chemistry lab. But none of this means I don't like to watch people who like to cook cook, especially when they are on television and not stinking up my kitchen.  I like the way they gaze reverently at each carefully measured ingredient (ah, to have a sous chef!)  before they toss it into the bowl. I like the way they explain the nuances of the process as they effortlessly blend colors and texture in a bowl. I like watching them breathe in the aromas, how they can tell, just by the smell, that everything is perfect. I like the sound of a wooden spoon against a ceramic bowl. I like the sound of hot pan landing on a cool trivet. I like the way the thing looks delectable every time, without the use of remedial utensils.

Even if I can't do something, I can tell when it makes sense. I'm not a politician, or a paid surrogate for a politician, and I don't really spend much time with anyone who is. During this surreal election season, though, I've had to opportunity to get to know some of them, sort of. In 24/7 coverage, they've been served up to us looking as they want themselves to look, right out of the oven. The less we know about the ingredients the better. We are left to our own devices to sort through it all, to figure out what mystery meats lurk in the stews they have concocted. As we watch the mess unfold from a chemistry experiment gone awry, we are left with only the bad taste in our mouths as a guide.

It's all right. I recognize bad taste when I see it, and I don't really need to know what went into it. All the chatter and the digging and the deconstructing can't trump (pardon the pun) a gag reflex; nor will any of it inform me. Which is why I think CNN needs to switch to cooking segments. At least, with a cooking segment, I come away learning something.

Not a perfect solution, to be sure. I did my own fact checking on an infomercial that almost had me ordering a "too good to be true" pan, almost had me thinking it would inspire me to cook. Luckily, I dodged a bullet. Still, I was mesmerized by the show, the vivid images of ingredients combining, the enticing sizzles I swore I could smell, the infectious passion of the cooks. My healthy skepticism kept my finger off the "purchase now" tab, but at least the show didn't make me want to vomit. If anything, it made me hungry, and I can fix hungry.

More cooking shows, please, or I will find a Bunsen burner, figure out how to use it, and blow up my

television.