I still do not really get “Fitbit,” but I received one (after some not so subtle begging) as a Mothers Day gift last year and it may have taken nine months but I finally figured out how to install the software on my computer and sync the little device that can now accompany me everywhere.
The point, I suppose, of the step counting/calorie burning/calorie counting little widget is to improve my overall health and sense of well-being, and that point is well taken. When I pick it up in the morning, it greets me with a cheerful “HEY GORGEOUS,” which definitely makes me feel good (until I remember I composed the greeting myself). The complimentary hello is followed immediately by a warm and fuzzy message — “SMOOCHES” — which was so deliciously unexpected the first time I saw it I felt as if I had just received a surprise delivery of long stem roses. The device even vibrates occasionally, but not long enough to really change my life.
Despite its lack of stamina and the obvious limitations of its electronic morning cheer, I am determined to give “Fitbit” a fair chance. True, my sense of well-being took a bit of a nosedive when I could not figure out why, when I was logging my daily episodes of exercise for the week, the app required me to tell it how many calories I had burned, but I kept the expletives to myself and simply moved on to the food consumption questions. Talk about demoralizing. The food list was quickly becoming much longer than the exercise list, and I did not think my psyche could tolerate any computer generated computations regarding my abysmal intake/output ratio. I’m no genius, but I can do that math.
Moving on again, I arrived at the section that would enable me to accurately count how many glasses of water I have per day. Again, I’m no genius, but I can count to ten, which gives me more than enough wiggle room. I ignored the section that offered me the opportunity to chart “other” activities (although I did wonder what those might be) and decided to check out the discussion board. I figured some interaction with other Fitbit users might give me some inspiration.
Not happy and becoming more disgusted every day. Naturally, that was the topic heading that jumped out at me. I had to read on. Well, clearly not every “Fitbit” user is as optimistic and upbeat as I try to be. To say the “not happy” author was not happy would be a gross understatement; she seemed downright homicidal. Her first beef: “Fitbit is inconsistent on rewarding the coveted (emphasis added by me) “Very Active Minutes” (VAM).” Apparently, this woman walks the same route at the same exact speed every single day, yet on some days “Fitbit” inexplicably withholds coveted VAM. A string of gripes regarding “Fitbit’s” gross unfairness and unabashed favoritism followed, and then it became more about the device’s stupidity, as in “as long as you remain still, the Fitbit believes you are asleep.” Query: Can a thumb sized device that cannot even pass for a decent vibrator actually have a belief system?
The tirade went on for a few more paragraphs, and I was thinking if the “Fitbit” was just a little bit smarter and took some time to think about the consequences of its decisions this woman might not be so enraged. But, as she said, in her parting shot, “it doesn't take a genius to know that step cadence is what determines intensity of your walk and run... not the bloomin internal clock!” Like I said, I’m not a genius, and clearly neither is the Fitbit, but somebody needs to take this woman seriously before she hurts somebody.
All I know is yesterday, after the Fitbit recorded a meager 2500 steps for my entire day, it sent me an email congratulating me on earning my first “Happy Hill Badge.” Maybe it’s incompetence, maybe it’s stupidity, and maybe it’s not fair; or maybe “Fitbit” is onto something — rewarding positive mental attitude.
I responded to “Not happy” with a friendly suggestion that she change her “Fitbit” greeting from “MORNIN’ LOSER” to “HEY GORGEOUS.” It might not change her life, but it could make her feel good, and isn’t that the point?
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