Like my friend's mom always said, even a blind squirrel can find an acorn every now and then.
Well I don't know if she always said it but I know she said it at least once, when he finally brought home a Jewish girl (one who could even read without moving her lips) after what seemed to be an endless and tormenting stream of tall skinny blond shiksas. (For the life of me I will never understand what men see in them!) Anyway I think about my friend's mom whenever I can't figure out what to do, which means I think about her a lot.
As modern and progressive and totally committed to my children's happiness and fulfillment no matter how miserable it makes me as I may be, I have to admit I kind of get the whole Jewish mother reaction to the tall blond shiksa. It's the age of Facebook, for Pete's sake, where every private family gathering is memorialized on line so that everyone you've even considered knowing in your life knows pretty much everything about you. And, even worse, sees all your pictures. And no matter how much you try to stand next to ugly people in pictures so you'll look good, you have no control over what's out there, and you can't always count on cropping the bitch out, which means I'm not just going to look old but also short and chubby. Who needs that shit? Oh, how I long for a daughter in law shaped like a pear!
You just can't stop enlightenment though, so I'm bracing myself for the worst. Even venerable old food distributors like General Mills are succumbing to the pressure of open mindedness. Recently, it aired a Cheerios commercial featuring a multiracial family. Sure, there was a flood of nasty and disapproving comments from old fashioned folks who never got the memo about how the times are a'changin', but General Mills stood its ground, kept the ad. Even McDonald's has tested the waters outside the racial stereotyping box, recently airing a commercial featuring white guys only. Granted they weren't eating burgers and fries -- presumably, they had eaten a white guy meal, finger sandwiches maybe -- and they were only stopping for ice cream on the way to a quintessentially white guy visit to Vegas, but there wasn't a person of color in sight. Not even at the drive-through window. A new era for corporate America. They seem to be getting it right.
Getting it right, just like the blind squirrel that finds an acorn. Frankly, I'm not so impressed. Not with the squirrel anyway. The playing field isn't anywhere near level; animals are way ahead of us humans when it comes to finding elusive acorns, because they don't waste too much time thinking. Instinct goes a long way. Manny the blind puggle is a perfect example. The other day, out on our morning stroll, he amazed me as he always does by navigating curbs and finding trees on which to pee without missing a beat. I, on the other hand, distracted momentarily by a text, walked face first into a tree. I was thinking about how I might walk into something, but I never saw it coming.
Manny has been dealt some cruel blows – his best friend died and he lost his eyesight within the span of one week – but if there is a silver lining in his playbook it's pure animal instinct. I'm pretty sure there's not a thought passing through his wrinkly little head, but somehow he manages to avoid obstacles and choose a clear path every time. I'm taking a page from his playbook, even though he still doesn't understand that he can't chase the squirrel up a tree. With all paws on the ground, my money's on Manny.
As for me finding the acorn, I'm golden with Manny on my team. All he needs to do is distract the squirrel....
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