Heart Murmurs

What's up with the Pope giving up the papacy right smack in the middle of Lent? Sort of makes your average Catholic feel a bit ridiculous about giving up something as insignificant as chocolate. 

I suppose with Valentine's Day coming right on the schmutzy heels of Ash Wednesday giving up chocolate can be kind of a big deal. For me, since chocolate is a a major (if not the major) food group, it would always be a big deal, so it's a good thing I was born a Jew and am never expected to deprive myself of anything for more than a day. Catholicism is not for the faint of heart. 

Which is why it makes sense that an elderly gentleman with a pacemaker has decided to live out the rest of his mortal days praying and writing in a more quiet section of the Vatican while someone else deals with the corruption and in-fighting that has plagued the church since the beginning of time. Well, not the beginning of time as those wacky scientists see it, but you know what I mean.  The big question, then, the one that has all sorts of experts shaking their heads and wagging their tongues, is which crimson-capped pontiff-in-waiting has the cardiological capacity to deal with all this crap. The papacy might be better suited to the feint of heart, someone possessed of a bit more gamesmanship than your average pious cleric. 

Apparently, the scandal-averse Benedict is not leaving without one final stomp on the head of immorality, even if it's not exactly the immorality within the Church. Close enough, though, at least geographically. The Pope's stunning abdication will, in all likelihood, have a direct impact on politics in Italy, stealing the media spotlight away from Silvio Berlusconi in his effort to regain power in the upcoming elections. The sleazy and very wealthy former prime minister has enjoyed considerable momentum in recent weeks by taking full advantage of his media empire. But no amount of money can compete with the intrigue stirred up when the closest thing to God on earth decides to relinquish his heavenly throne before he actually gets to heaven. Heady stuff, even for the most cynical Catholic. 

One expert on the Vatican has suggested that a perfect candidate for the papacy would be Jesus with an MBA. Hmm, a Jewish boy revered by his mother even though he chooses business school over medical school. Not totally unrealistic these days, I suppose, given the state of health care and skyrocketing malpractice premiums. 

He should have a good cardiologist, though, just in case.