We the People?

If everything happens for a reason, the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School last Friday is certainly a stumper. It was a spree of unspeakable violence that took the lives of twenty small children and six adults and made mince meat out of the lives of so many others.

Everybody is at a loss. And, instinctively, when humans feel lost and unable to control what happens around them, they answer some call to action, frantically searching for solutions. There is no solution to this one. Young children are dead, surviving children are terrified, and families have been forever shattered.  Threadbare silver linings give us hope -- tales of heroism, remarkable stories of children being secreted away in small bathrooms, the knowledge that people everywhere will donate money or time to help the victims recover. Politicians on both sides of the aisle, from ramshackle storefront headquarters to the Oval Office, have begun to address the politically loaded (and potentially suicidal) issue of gun control. It would be unseemly -- downright cowardly, I should think -- to ignore it in the aftermath of so  much bloodshed.

Who knows where the debate will take us? (In circles, possibly, since I just heard Vice President Joe Biden has been put in charge.) We have a Constitutional right to bear arms. Of course we Jews have a biblical mandate to rest on the Sabbath, which doesn't mean it makes any sense in the global community of the twenty first century to not drive or answer ones cell phone on Saturday. Our forefathers are no doubt shuddering in their graves at all the violence, just as God no doubt wrings her manicured hands and grows another gray hair each time she sees a shabbos goy turning an ignition key or dialing a number.

One need only Google "obsolete laws" to get a generous sampling of once well intentioned local ordinances that would defy logic in today's world. In New York City, for example, women who wear clingy or body-hugging clothing are subject to a fine. Imagine the logistics of enforcing that one. In Memphis, Tennessee, a woman cannot drive a car unless there is a man in front waving a red flag to alert others to the danger. I have nothing against legislative attempts to promote public safety or protect the fairer sex from the presumably animal instincts of males (or maybe it's more about maintaining urban aesthetics), but let's face it, sometimes ignorance must give way to enlightenment, and ideas -- and rules -- must actually evolve.

"Let them eat steak!"

So where does one draw the line when chipping away at the right of a society chock full of mental illness, social maladjustment, and general discontent to maintain deadly arsenals?  Hunting enthusiasts might say assault weapons. I don't know, I'm kind of with Bambi on this one. For anyone who really believes there is an inalienable right to blast holes in beautiful animals minding their own business, I say let them eat steak. And play some really cool video games. (If I were a cow, I'd say let them eat tofu, but that's a whole other story.) I am more in the camp of modern day Goliaths; I say ban everything down to a sling shot. What good is such a thing to anybody anyway, buried so deep in some basement junk drawer that nobody would find it in time on the off chance a feisty little prince comes to call.


In the meantime, we will all take whatever small measures we can to make ourselves and our children feel safe. My ex retrieved a call yesterday from the high school letting him know our daughter is safe. He wasn't all that worried, but he understood the gesture. (I did not get a call, but nobody ever thinks I need to know anything around here.) A Utah company that markets bullet proof children’s clothing and backpacks saw its web site crash yesterday from too much traffic. A store in Florida reported that thousands of dollars worth of Spanx were stolen. Having tried those on, I know that they are made with reinforced steel, and would stand up to a bullet as well as any bullet proof vest. Of course I nearly suffocated the one time I wore them, but, again, another story for another time.

"Tofu. They can eat tofu."

Let’s just say that after I see some progress on the gun issue, I will begin my crusade against Spanx. First things first.