In a State

It's Election Day, and, as I have for at least several weeks, I woke in a blue state.

Blue because I am weary, weary from the incessant barrage of political ads on television, the enormous stacks of tree killing postcards in my mailbox, the infuriating ring of the doorbell when I'm trying to hide in my house and avoid everyone I know, not to mention folks I don't know. Apparently some local campaign wonks have determined I am more likely to vote for their candidate if some "neighbor" rings my doorbell to personally hand me a flyer that I will immediately toss into the recycling bin. Let's just say pulling me away from a tense game of spider solitaire is not the way to get on my good side.

I was born and raised a New York Jew, and I am a woman living in deep dark upper middle class suburbia, which means I am likely to vote with my left leaning conscience and remain blissfully ignorant of the negative impact that could have on my already beaten up Chanel purse.   I suppose I could put a bit more thought into things, but trying to figure out from all the ads and flyers which deadbeat dad or tax evader or other criminal or miscreant or basically heinous human being should get my stamp of approval would turn my already blue state into a state of utter confusion and, really, who needs that shit? Call me simple, but all I know is I will do my part to make sure no woman will ever associate a coat hanger with anything other than, well, her coat closet.

In my defense, though I have admittedly given up trying to determine from all the negative ads which politician is most worthy of jail time, I have tried to consider other factors in making my decisions. Like name recognition. I figure lawn signs can give me a good idea of which candidates are popular, and if they are popular, they must be nice people. So I took a drive around the neighborhood the other day, taking my own little straw poll based on signage. No luck:



My mind remained open this morning as I drove up to the polling place. I ignored the clusters of signs as I walked to the entrance, hoping for some sort of epiphany before I received my ballot. I joined a small group of voters approaching the glass doors, and we were greeted by a candidate. I recognized her name from the signage, but I couldn't tell you what she's running for or against whom. She stood next to two signs; one said "Vote here;" the other "Vote aqui." She waved, identified herself, and said "Thanks for your guysizz support!" WTF? Maybe my bar is pretty low, but that didn't sound like English, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't Spanish either.

An epiphany! My blue state is starting to fade.