OMG, OWS, OY. . . Shanah Tovah!

I imagine it's a lot like having your birthday fall on Christmas. You kind of feel cheated.

Today is the first anniversary of Occupy Wall Street, but I will be too, well, preoccupied with my resolutions for the Jewish New Year to celebrate. Frankly, as much as I would love to get in on the action and express some solidarity with the protesters, I have never really understood the movement. I am way too apathetic to comprehend why anybody would spend so much as a minute sleeping outside in the rain, much less an entire night, just because of some perceived social and economic inequality and a little greed. I suppose I am as greedy and self involved as the next guy. Heck, my temple is warm and dry and the entire Book of Life thing is at stake and I can't even bring myself to sit there and listen to an insufferable sermon and ancient Hebrew chants sung in English.

Nevertheless, I am a Jew, and there's no way I am playing Russian Roulette with my chances for another year on Earth to make things right, so God trumps politics today, and I am going to do my darnedest to get her attention. I will be turning inward with the American Jewish two per cent; if it's sunny next year on September 17th, maybe I'll give the OWS one percent a whirl.

I certainly don't mean to sound unsympathetic to the woes of different minorities; just because I am one of the "chosen" does not mean I am not tuned in to the plight of others. Quite the contrary, actually. Born and raised to be a Jewish princess -- and still sitting precariously on my throne as I avoid exile in a double wide -- I feel a sense of noblesse oblige, a need to give back to those less fortunate than I. When the barista in Starbucks this morning was puzzled at my failure to order a chai latte for my daughter, I explained that she is sleeping in because there is no school today. She was still perplexed, so I further explained the whole Jewish holiday thing and how the entire public school system in our neck of the woods is closed, even though that might seem to be a violation of some separation of Church and State thing in the Constitution. "I'm moving here," she announced, thinking this extra day off for some pagan holiday was something she wanted a piece of. Poor downtrodden shiksa, I thought. If I could have handed her the keys and the title to my house, I would have.

But really, enough trying to solve everybody else's problems. Today is a day for me and my ilk to reflect and to compete fiercely for the limited slots left in the Book of Life. Sure, charity begins at home, but it's just going to have to begin tomorrow.