A Busman's Holiday

Yesterday I did a little shopping. Sure, it was therapeutic, but I'd like to think it was a valuable bit of career training. What better way to figure out how to be a good salesperson than to see things from a buyer's perspective. I take my job very seriously, so playing customer for a while seems a small price to pay.

The training began when reluctantly dragged myself to meet a friend at a favorite boutique where another friend works. It's kind of hard to get away with the "just looking" line when you are the only two customers and you've known the owner and the part-time sales person for years. And, truth be told, we were soooo not just looking. We were on a mission. We wanted cool new stuff. Oh yes, and I wanted to become the best retail specialist I can be.

Lesson number one, which I don't think will work very well for me in the large suburban shopping mall, is to greet your customers with a genuinely warm and gleeful hug. From the moment my friend wrapped me up in her comforting seller's arms, I started undressing myself with my own eyes, gazing over her shoulder at all the enticing new spring items beckoning me from the walls and the tables and the strategically placed racks. Let go! I wanted to tell her. I have work to do! 

To be sure, there are a few customers out at the mall whom I've come to know and enjoy, and though I may not run over and give them a big bear hug, my smile and warm greeting are uncharacteristically genuine when they show up. And I can tell they are happy to see me as well. Not just because of my sparkling personality, but because I exist, for however long it takes, to show them cool new stuff that will look good on them and make them feel happy. For a few moments at least. 

Unfortunately, customers who want to "play" are few and far between, and all too often folks come in chatting on their cell phones, studiously averting your gaze when you greet them so even the most dense among us will get the message to butt out. If I am in a particularly nasty mood, I will purposely badger people like that, knowing that, at best, they're just going to head right for the sale rack anyway and pick out some ratty old tee shirt for a ridiculously low price. Hellooooo! There's a reason that thing has been marked down to "if you take me, I'll pay you." It's an eyesore, an abomination. As unwelcome in the store as the nasty cheapskate buying it. 

Lesson number two, which definitely can work in my store at the mall, is to lead the customers to the skinny mirrors. Though the owner of my favorite little boutique assured me yesterday that what you see in her mirrors is the absolute truth, I am skeptical. There is no way in hell I actually look as fabulous in everything as I did in those mirrors.  But that's okay. I am a professional at seeking out skinny mirrors, and I avoid reality like the plague. Note to self: lead difficult customers to fitting room number three. Where camel toes and back fat become virtually invisible -- especially if your eyesight is not what it used to be. And for goodness sake, steer clear of three way mirrors. Talk about a sure fire way to ruin any woman's day.    

Lesson number three: attract customers who think spending money is fun. Customers who don't approach a little shopping as if it is a serious financial decision. Customers who will buy it if they like it, and not obsess too much about how much they don't need it. Honestly, who really needs any of this crap. This is a lesson I have already mastered. Most of my best sales are to me.

I cannot wait to try out what I learned yesterday. Or at least try on what I bought. As soon as I find the right mirror.