Identity Crisis

My husband's attorney is going to have to cancel a few botox appointments so she can come up with a new sales strategy. Apparently, the official diagnostic manual relied upon by real doctors and pop psychiatrists alike will be eliminating "narcissistic personality disorder" from its pages.

I didn't read the article all that closely (it wasn't about me -- not specifically, anyway -- so why bother?) but it seems the committee in charge of what stays in and what goes out of the manual has been moving toward a more "dimensional" diagnostic approach. In lay potato terms, I think that means there will be more wiggle room in the diagnosis. "Narcissistic personality disorder," for example, might become a fuzzier "personality disorder with narcissistic and manipulative traits." So they may be getting rid of the label, but it seems to me many more borderline cases will fall within the scope of the new definition, which will in turn put more money in psychiatrists' and drug companies' pockets. That's just the way I see it. I could be wrong. LOL!!!

But I think pop psychiatrists like my husband's attorney will definitely suffer, because she's going to have to find a new book with a more accurate -- and far less catchy -- title to hand out to her drooling prospective clients. And "here's a book on wives who have 'personality disorders with narcissistic and manipulative traits'" does not roll off the calorie-starved tongue as easily as "here's a book on narcissism." Some of the sharper guys might even catch the "manipulative" piece and maybe recognize their new hot attorney. Or themselves. Oh, god. Again, LOL.

Well, while Dr. Dolittle Other Than Churn Out Useless Pieces of Paper might scuff her stilettos as she runs off to find a new author in need of eager readers, narcissists everywhere risk being ignored, and that is a scary thought. What might happen to the "all about me" crowd when "me" no longer exists? Not even the most self-important over inflated ego can withstand that kind of punishment. Being comfortable in the knowledge of your own superiority is one thing; not being able to convince everyone else is one giant buzz kill. There is nothing worse for a narcissist (pardon the old-fashioned expression) than non-recognition; with no official diagnosis, you might as well slap a scarlet "O" on their deflated chests. "Ordinary." Not a significant disorder. Just plain old fucked up.

If I were the narcissist Dr. Dolittle claims I must be, I'd feel slighted. Okay, if I were really a narcissist, I'd feel slighted that nobody mentioned me in the article, but that's another issue. I mean, I'd like to see them try to defrock a schizophrenic, or somebody with bipolar disorder. (Well aren't they so cool, with their labels and official diagnostic code numbers and all.) Why single out the narcissists -- the fairest of them all?

Good thing I don't know any true narcissists. Well, at least not any who have been diagnosed by a real medical doctor. But what could be more depressing than being around someone who's been kicked off his own pedestal. If you see one, just ignore him.